How to Love Your Husband
Special interest in wedding commitments and marriage dynamics
I have always been avidly interested in social relationships, an interest that led me to major in sociology at university. For my own benefit, for that of my wife and family and for others I have served through the years, wedding commitments and marriage dynamics have been of special interest through the years. This is why I have included self-directed pre-marital counseling resources in my wedding website.
Contributing positive creates positive
It is self-evident, of course, that uplifting and enriching social interaction between partners is the essence of a healthy marriage. Problems flow from a lack of recognition of the complexity this involves. Each person is unique. How they express themselves varies widely. How they interpret actions differs. There are however some general principles drawn from the differences between men and women and the way these contribute to interactions between them.
Love is communicated by attitudes and actions that our mate interprets as communicating love. These are actions that meet the needs for which we entered marriage. Don’t wait for your mate to initiate these, as they, like you, may be hesitating in the hopes that the other will do the initiating. Accentuate the positive, minimize the negative, and don’t mess with mister in-between. It’s amazing how contagious a smile is—one smiles, the other responds and the whole environment of social interaction changes to the positive. Build smiles into your relationship by your actions and your attitudes.
Men and women enter marriage for different reasons
What complicates the communication of love in marriage is that men and women usually do not enter marriage with the same needs in mind. Though an over-simplification, there is truth to the statement that basically women enter marriage for security whereas men enter marriage for achievement.
In our article concerning how husbands should love their wives we dealt with ways that men may build their wife’s security in the loving longevity of their marriage. In weddings this need is demonstrated by the way brides and grooms interact as they say their vows. Their faces reveal the deep inner needs being met as they pronounce their vows to each other. The earnestness of the bride almost always trumps the groom’s, as she looks deep into his eyes to discern and drink from his sincerity as he proclaims for all to hear…’to love and to cherish, from this day forward, for better or worse, until death.” While the groom wants closeness with his bride, she craves this security that she will be loved even as her youthful attractions fade.
Marriage for the man is different because men are different physically, psychologically and socially than are women.
Communicating love to husbands
In this article we will deal with how wives may love their husbands in a way that meets their needs by building up their man. While wives will discover many other ways of expressing love to their husbands, this article suggests a few insights and actions.
Probably most significant is a man’s craving for opportunities to express their manliness. Generally, men want to lead; they want to achieve.
Wise wives use their charms and subtle skills to address these needs in ways that encourage their man while retaining personal worth, dignity and mystique to keep him intrigued and attentive.
Show interest in the things your man does and prime him as best you can to get him to talk with you about them. (Hopefully he will do likewise concerning the things that interest and occupy you.) Don’t wait for him to come to you on this level. Initiate it if he is not inclined to do so.
Find ways of communicating respect. Give him valid compliments and attention when he does things you view as positive and beneficial, rather than merely providing such undivided attention when he disappoints you or aggravates you. Men have a way of rising to a challenge, and earning the respect of their mate is usually considered a worthwhile goal if you can help them understand how they might do this.
Express your opinion wisely
Do not relinquish your right to express your opinion concerning matters that affect you personally or as a couple. You will find that this is not always appreciated but it is necessary to a healthy marriage. The perspective you bring to the marriage is important. If you never disagree one of you is not necessary. Men can, however, become belligerent if they disagree with the wife and feel she is challenging them, so, here’s the hook—express your opinion even in the face of defiance then drop in, “But the final decision is yours.” It may seem as though you are relinquishing your input by saying this but in fact what you have just done is add weight to what you said. How does this work? Well, when you say, “But the final decision is yours.” you place all responsibility for the decision in you husband’s lap. Now he cannot blame you if it goes bad. Now the decision is completely his responsibility—good or bad. Now he may bull dog ahead, but more likely he will want to reassess what you have said to be sure he is right before he proceeds. There’s no certainty of the rightness of all decisions made in this fashion, but if you, as a wife, stand with your man as you committed yourself in your vows, treating all such junctures as decisions made by both of you and to be supported by both of you in an effort to succeed together, win or lose you will build your respect for each other. If you were right and he went against you he will likely be more careful to listen respectfully to you next time. If he is right and you are not, your respect for his reasoning increases. Win or lose, your relationship benefits. (If, however, this relates to a matter that goes against your core values, respectfully hold your ground—“I would love to support your reasoning here, darling, but I can’t.”)
Invest in yourself
Invest in your health and in positive thinking. Beware of television programs, books, magazines etc. that turn you perspective toward negativism and distrust. Set your sights on delighting in your mate and making sure that he realizes you do so. Invest in your marriage by building the positive into your relationship in any way you can.
Make wedding idealism marriage reality
If the above seems idealistic, it is. But these are the ideals that you express in your marriage vows. Mean them and live them to improve the probability that you will indeed love and cherish each other to the end of your days.